Richard Armitage vs. Rupert Penry-Jones. We’re talking “Spooks” on the telly, OK. This is like comparing the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Richard smoulders. Smoulder, smoulder, suh-mould-er. Rupert, well look at him, he’s like a sweet little boy, but made into a man. Soft, pretty blondie hair, lovely to stroke, bright pale ice innocent blue eyes, like …”Who me… oh really… do you really think I’m sexy?”. Yeah, we do. Whereas Rich, he knows the score. Smoulder, smoulder, he goes.
Imagine the scene. Wobbly line wobbly line … Rich arrives on set.
“Hi Rich” “Hi folks”. “Hey Rich?” “Yeah Don”. (Don is the Director). “Rich, can you try not to make eye contact with anything flammable today mate, it’s costing a fortune and the Producers are not happy!”. “Yeah, sorry Don… I’ll really try.” “Thanks Mate”. “No worries”.
Half an hour later, in a break, Rich is chatting with a pretty one near a production desk, he glances towards some running sheets on the desk…smoulder, smoulder, … and WOOOMPF, up they go in a blaze and blur of flame… “Oh Rich for God’s sake”. “Sorry Don, didn’t mean to buddy”.
After filming he goes to see his good looking mate Jen. Ding dong (That was the doorbell, not Leslie Phillips).
“Hi Rich.” “Hey Jen, how goes it?”. “Yeah great and you?”. “Fab thanks”. (lovvie kiss). “Come in mate. I’ll make tea”. Jen grabs the retro kettle and pops it on the gas hob. “Oh bugger”, she exclaims, “the bloody clicky thing that lights the gas isn’t working…. Would you mind?”. “Not at all, stand back”. Smoulder, smoulder, he goes whilst glaring at the gas ring… and WOOOMPF, up it goes in tongues of blue flame. “Thanks Rich”. “No worries Jen”.
But of course, what we need here is a counterpoint to Richard’s smouldering good looks. In comes Rupe. So Rupe has this butter-wouldn’t-melt-chiselled-features-clean-cut-public-school-ice-encrusted-English-ness going on. And those pale gentle Buddhist blue eyes. He looks like he could cry at any moment over mans’ inhumanity to man. “BOO HOO it’s all so unfair. Why can’t we all just love each other and live hand-in-hand in a coffee-coloured world.”
Rich and Rupe need to hang out together. So that whenever Rich gets himself into another situation with the smouldering stuff, then Rupe can counter it with his crystal tears of loveliness.
So… Rich and Rupe arrive at a bar… order drinks. A pretty girl walks past and Rich… No Rich, don’t do it… can’t you see that frock is polyester… Stop it … noooooooooooooo…
Too late… smoulder, smoulder, and WOOOMPF… up she goes… she shrieks in fear… Rupe turns to see what’s happened… “Oh Nooo, you poor darling… how terrible for you…BOO HOO BOOO HOOOO” he cries liquid drops of eternal love onto her blazing ensemble and quenches the hostile flames.
I think we know who’s hotter… AND who’s cooler (sends a shiver, doesn’t he).
Next week, my lovelies… I’m begining to think I may need a disclaimer of sorts… let’s see what I can come up with.
Thanks to www.stockfreeimages.com